Reading Just Isn't Enough.

Its not enough to read the Book Of Mormon.

On my last visit with my sister missionaries, Sister Fuller and Sister Hawkins  I was quite taken aback by what I assumed was one of my greatest strengths.

Reading the Book Of Mormon just wasn't enough...

I was shocked. Here I was doing three hours of scripture study every evening and suddenly my efforts wasn't enough. At first it caught me off-guard but then I suddenly realized they were right.

I wasn't doing enough...

In missionary terms, I was what the missionaries and even the Missionary President in Barbados dubbed as a "Golden Investigator". Although I don't know how I got this status, it was one that I prided myself on as I went through my conversion and started throwing my entire being into being the best Mormon convert that I could be.

Then something changed. As life started to shift around me, my faith took a serious backseat as I tried to navigate through the many challenges life seemed to be throwing at me. I got sick, life at home was turbulent and the further into depression I sank as I tried to control the things that troubled me the further away my faith seemed to go.

This continued for a while. While I would always feel closer to God during those three hours of church every Sunday, life outside of church was empty and barren. I went cold turkey as I stopped reading The Book Of Mormon completely and the emptiness began to show. My sister missionaries Anna and Sam noticed and saw how far off I had fallen and began the process of bringing me back to myself.

After months of little scripture study since my baptism and after a bout of heavy depression, I found myself suddenly reading one day when my world seemed the darkest. I wanted to find the happiness that I had before and in the weeks after my baptism and in the midst of my darkest depression I thought I had lost that feeling forever.

I didn't.

It wasn't simple. I needed to read again. I needed to listen to Mormon messages and go find inspirational talks on the LDS website. I thank God during this time that there was another person from far away who became my sounding board and helped me through times of trouble. She was the mother of my first sister missionary Sister Buhrley who came to my rescue as an older voice of reason.

With their help I found the courage to read again.

Now here I was being told that reading three hours a day wasn't enough.

Then it hit me as I looked through my own personal copy of Preach My Gospel that they were right. Sure I was doing everything right but in reality I was forgetting to nurture the Christlike attributes that Heavenly Father wishes for us to exhibit so that we can draw nearer to him.

Here I was angry, forgetting to prayer each day and forgetting to love everyone (especially the ones that we wronged me) and thinking that my efforts were enough.

They weren't enough. Heavenly Father requires much more from us that a few hours of scripture study. He requires us to continue to press forward and exhibit those Christlike attributes so that we can one day live with him in heaven.

Reading will never be enough. I never want it to be enough...

Love Momo