I Need Courage

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You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' - Eleanor Roosevelt
The Webster dictionary describes the word courage as a mental or moral state strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear and difficulty. The Webster definition goes on to state that courage is the firmness of mind and will in the face of danger and extreme difficultly yet with my first talk at church in a few short weeks, I have as much courage as a pea.

In Caribbean life, where it is a sign of weakness to show fear or to submit yourself to your emotions, showing courage in the face of difficulty was always something I struggled with. During my school years, I lived in the shadows, afraid to speak up for myself and be the dynamic person I knew I could be.

Now as I sit here typing this post, I realise the finality of everything. Me....Ramona....someone hates talking in public has to give a talk IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE BRANCH.

Sure, this gospel has the ability to pull people out of their shell and personal comfort zone but can it prevent people from projectile vomit? I've seen how the gospel has transformed investigators like Daphney who before her baptism was as quiet as a church mouse and is now one of the most transformed members in the branch yet I still hold onto that bit of fear preventing me from getting out of my own head.

Speaking in public scares me yet I know the only way to get through this hurdle is to pray about it and ask Heavenly Father for help. That help is not only to give a calming presence and help me get through my talk but should also extend to calming my stomach to avoid a less than epic barf-fest at the podium.

I'm fortunate in times like these to have the assistance of my sister missionaries who can help me finesse this talk and can help calm those nerves and feelings of uncertainty. Although my baby sister Anna has now spread her wings and has now been transferred to Grenada, I keep her words with me always.

Endure...Endure...Endure

By finding the courage to endure in what seems like my second scariest moment (baptism was the scariest for sure) and speaking in public, my testimony will grow ten-fold as I navigate through this roller-coaster first year of conversion.

Who knows maybe one day you may see me doing a Mormon Message or I Am A Mormon and we can all laugh about this experience.



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