Getting Through Depression With Heavenly Father's Help

As someone who has dealt with depression and mental illness from a young age, talking about the monster in my closet who to this day gives me great anxiety. Here I am on my path to Heavenly Father's kingdom almost four months post-baptism and I'm depressed again. 

Good girls don't get depressed. In my younger years, I thought that depression was a state of seeking attention from people who wouldn't own up to the things which bothered them until the fateful day when at twelve years old, I realized I was beginning to exhibit the symptoms of depression.

As someone who has a long family history of mental illness, the thought of anything being wrong inside my brain scared me. For many years, I hid the emotions I would feel on a daily basis hiding behind a smile that never seemed real.

I was sad. In my fifteen-year-old mind, depression was weakness. In African and Caribbean culture mental illness comes with an unspoken stigma which made it that much harder for me to express the emotions I was feeling inside.

I wanted someone to hear me but I would never stop to hear myself. My voice wasn't worth hearing and slowly I sank further and further into the depths of my emotions becoming consumed by depression.

At this time I was going through my own spiritual disconnect, leaving everything about God behind. I began the volatile path of self harm thinking it would erase the pain that I felt yet it didn't solve anything. (Thankfully, the days of self harm didn't last very long)

For years this continued with long periods of being fine with the world and then months of low points.
Even know during the phase where I should be happiest, dealing with depression still takes a lot out of me. I sometimes may have to force myself to read my scriptures or go to church but I know this time I'm not dealing with depression alone.

This time I have Heavenly Father's help.